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Deus Ex Machina

Meaning: A sudden or unexpected solution to a difficulty.

*Sixty-ONE*
Finally.
It has begun.
The countdown has started.
A cynical smile crept across his face.
Even when my life is about to end, it still continues to mock me.
I’m so glad this is finally going to end.
End? You ask.
End my life of course!
Exactly one month ago, I set a trap for myself.
A trap that would kill me.
A trap that I cannot stop.
A trap that I planned for myself to forget.
A trap that I stumbled into just one day ago.
A trap that would end my suffering.
A trap that would end everything.
I personally call it “Deus Ex Machina”.
Something that abruptly ends my life of long suffering.
Something that I came across unexpectedly as I was watching squirrels trying to find where they hid their nuts.
Ah! Forgetfulness is the greatest quality known to man!
Pardon me?
Oh yes.
Pardon me.
It is not about how I end it, but why?
Always the why.
It is all due to a series of “coincidences”.
Each one deeply etched in my mind.
*Fifty-ONE*
He had the misfortune of being the first born in that year.
The first day.
The first hour.
The first minute.
The first second.
His Russian parents aptly named him “Odin”.
Meaning “One”.
Ones kept appearing his whole life.
He had one of everything.
One book, one toy, one bag.
Once he tried to break this streak by buying another book.
But when he returned home, the book just disappeared.
Leaving him with his one book, one toy, one bag.
No matter how many times he tried, how careful he was, he was still left with one book, one toy, one bag.
*Forty-ONE*
The first time it became evident to him that something was wrong was in school.
In every test he had always scored a one.
No matter how much he knew before hand.
No matter how much he tried to remember.
His mind was always blank during the test.
But he always managed to score a one.
This happened all his life even though he was brilliant. Simply brilliant.
He could even make a bomb at the age of ten for his science project.
But the teacher thought that it was faux and gave him a one for effort.
Ones continued to appear everywhere.
The government assigned house number, telephone and car license plates.
All his clocks stopped at one.
If he ate more than one serving of a particular food, he would puke.
He was always the first to be picked, the first to be chosen.
Dice and cards would always produce a one.
Because of this he was always made fun of, teased.
But he always took it in stride.
It all changed one year ago.
His parents chanced upon his bomb.
*tick*
It exploded.
They lost their lives.
And Odin lost his will live.
*Thirty-ONE*
Many times he had tried to kill himself.
And every time he couldn’t.
Something within him prevented him from doing so.
An instinctive fight for survival.
Or could it be the workings of the curse?
Each time, he could never find the power to kill himself.
He was forced to live on.
Until now.
He couldn’t stop the trap even if he tried.
*Twenty-ONE*
…even if I tried.
The air was still and dry.
Utter silence filled the room.
All he could hear was the strong thump of my heartbeat.
He felt so alone.
So alone.
Am I making a mistake?
His hands were bloody and bruised from trying to break out.
His instincts unleashed a part of him he had never felt before.
One that was desperate.
Desperate to live.
Panic coursed through his veins when the trap activated.
Sheer panic.
What about now?
His heartbeat picked up sharply.
His breathing was like a continuous staccato.
I don’t want to die!
I want to live!
I want to live!
Why?
Why did I do this to myself?
Why?
He cried.
Sadness.
Fear.
Desperation.
He looked down and his gazed strayed upon his shoes.
My shoes.
I always had one pair of shoes.
One.
Just one.
A smile crept across his face again.
*Eleven*
This is it. He thought.
*Ten*
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
*Nine*
This is it...
*Eight*
Goodbye cruel world...
*Seven*
Finally.
*Six*
I will have peace.
*Five*
No turning back.
*Four*
No regrets.
*Three*
Who cares? I’m going to die anyway.
*Two*
But at least I’ll be rid of this curse.
*One*
Goodbye … …
Then...
Nothing...
Nothing happened...
I have failed...
Why? Why did this happen?
How? How could this be?
So, he thought, I must really be cursed then.
For surely to live is worse than to die.
To be forced to live on... with nothing.
Nothing in this world at all...
Except...
*One*
Odin... One...
His very existence...
He stood there... with eerie stillness.
His looming frame cast a long shadow
over the white sterile floor.
For the first time in thirty years,
tears streaked down his hard set face.
He felt so cold... So alone... So helpless...
He felt... empty... like an immense black void in the pit of his heart.
*One*...
*One*...
*One*...
*One*...
Odin... One...
His very existence lives on...
Nothing has changed...
Nothing...
*One*...
*One*...
*One*...
*One*...